Alaska
by Ava Chanel
Summary: Three years, five months and ten days later, she had opted to leave everything behind for a chance meeting in the coldest part of the world…Noel/Serah AUish one-shot.


__**A/N: **_A short, angsty one-shot dedicated to the Noel/Serah pairing. Enjoy. :) _

**Summary:**_ Three years, five months and ten days later, she had opted to leave everything behind for a chance meeting in the coldest part of the world…_

**Alaska**

Three years, five months and ten days.

That's how long it's been.

That's how long we've been apart.

I know what I'm doing is based off of a whim. It's probably reckless and stupid but _I need to see him_.

It's been so long. So much time has passed and I…

I miss him.

I heard he was happy now. I heard that he uses his time hunting. Others told me he died from a hunting experience. Then there were the rumors that he'd fallen in love and gotten married, an idea I couldn't bring myself to believe.

Maybe it was denial. Maybe it wasn't.

All I needed now was to find out for myself. And that was why I had traveled this far.

I trekked through endless piles of snow, working up a sweat from my efforts. The whole world was coated in a sparkly sheen of white and it blended with the pale blue of the sky. It was snowing, but very faintly. The snowflakes tickled my skin, leaving behind a tingling sensation once they melted.

It was still freezing and no matter how much I was bundled up, the cold seeped through everything, chilling me to the bone. I couldn't even feel my toes anymore even with the fur boots. Each time the wind blew, I would get chilly and hug myself but nothing worked. Heat was leaving me quickly. My warm breath would occasionally tickle the tip of my nose but it was never enough.

It was so cold. So bitterly cold. It may have been beautiful. But I couldn't understand who would want to live in these conditions on a permanent basis. I thought of him and wondered. But of course; he'd be suited for any harsh environment. He seemed to have an affinity for broken and damaged things and places.

Once upon a time, I had been one of those things.

But that was years ago. Before he had left, so suddenly.

The wind continued to blow mercilessly, ruffling my bangs and the fur lined on the hood I was wearing. I felt it's harshness against my watering eyes. But I looked around me anyways.

Sure enough, I spotted a little wooden house, not too far away from where I was. I gazed at the map in my gloved hands and was glad that I had gotten some sort of direction. It was a small town after all and everyone knew everyone.

Including the elusive Noel Kreiss.

Excitement and nervousness consumed me so that I was no longer as aware of the cold. I just wanted to get there. It would be warm, anyways. Smoke lifted out of the chimney and I knew he had a fireplace going. Maybe even some hot food or hot chocolate. I almost salivated at the thought.

But most of all, I'd finally get to see him again.

After all this time, I'd get to surprise him.

When I reached the wooden door, I rapped hard against it and waited in anticipation. I took in a deep breath of cool air to calm my nerves and put on my best smile.

When the door swung open, I was not greeted by the familiar blue gaze I was expecting. Instead, there stood a woman. Tall, slender and with hair the color of gold, falling in thick waves down her back. Her eyes were an icy green and when they examined me, it was with mild suspicion.

I faltered, unsure of how to proceed. Had I gotten it wrong? Was this the wrong house? Was my map incorrect or had the person who gave me directions misinformed me? So many questions shot through my head even as the woman spoke.

"Is there something I can help you with?" Her voice was sultry and rich and it left me speechless.

I stuttered briefly on the spot, wondering what I did wrong and how to ask for directions all over again. But I was so cold and I just wanted to go inside. She watched me the whole time with a single quirked up golden brow.

"Who is it, Dana?" A male voice came from inside the house.

It was so familiar that my heart jumped at the thought.

Could it be him?

I could hear his footsteps as he drew near and the woman named Dana was looking inside with a soft smile. When he appeared, his arms wrapped around her waist and he then turned to look at me.

Noel. It was Noel.

He had grown taller now. Not as slender anymore either; his shoulders had broadened and his chest as well. He had kept his soft brown hair straight and only a touch shorter than when I had seen him last. It made him appear even more masculine than ever.

I didn't know whether to be happy or miserable. I was caught up in so many feelings that I simply stood there, catatonic, trying to figure out what to do or what to say. When his blue eyes landed on me, his hands fell away from Dana's waist and his features softened.

"Serah…?" His voice was a gentle whisper and I realized how much I missed the way he'd say my name.

I smiled and nodded and he moved out of the way; "Come inside! Don't stand out there, you're going to freeze!" He cried, ushering me through the door.

As soon as I stepped in, warmth crept along my skin and defrosted me.

My skin itched where the frost stung but once the door was closed, I managed to be okay with removing all my layers. My fingers were clumsy and I couldn't shake the feeling of nervousness. I hadn't expected this. I hadn't thought that, of all the rumors, the one about another woman were true.

I'd be straight out lying if I said I didn't feel a bit jealous. Because I knew I was. But I was here now, in the middle of nowhere and I had to make the best of the situation.

Noel took my jacket and hung it for me and when we were done, he motioned with his hands towards the living room where a bright fire was kept going.

He stuffed his hands in his pockets and followed after me. The place was cozy. All warm wood and dark furniture with low lightning. I could see myself sinking into one of the couches and falling asleep by the fireplace. Of course, Noel kept some of his hunting spoils displayed but nothing like a hanging deer head or whatnot. More like, he kept the most interesting and fascinating parts of the creature and showed them off.

Even back then, he had always had a talent for hunting.

I sat down on the couch closest to the fireplace and enjoyed the way the wood crackled and the warmth enveloped me. Dana took a spot across from me with Noel right next to her. Both were watching me and I suddenly felt very uncomfortable and very awkward for being here.

What had I done?

Did I look desperate? Pathetic?

I felt shame creep up my neck and had to avert my gaze while my hands stroked my cold knees and thighs.

"Serah, this is Dana, Dana this is Serah, a friend of mine from…a while back…" Noel started, his voice shaky.

I looked at the beautiful woman with a forced smile and tried my best to look sweet. She returned the gesture and said hello to me, too.

But Noel looked very uncomfortable. He fidgeted in his seat and couldn't meet my eyes for too long. When had it gotten this way between us?

There had been a time where I couldn't have been more comfortable with anyone but Noel. And now…now, we felt like strangers invading each others lives.

Or at least, I felt that way…

"It's a pleasure to meet you, Dana." I said with a smile.

"Any friend of Noel's is a friend of mine." She said.

_Friend…_

"So, Serah. I don't mean to be too blunt here but…exactly why the heck did you come all the way here? I mean, this isn't exactly down the street." Noel started with a smile on.

Oh, right. Of course he'd ask. I must look so silly to him right now.

I brushed away a piece of pink hair and started, "Uhm, well…I-I was interested in moving up here for a teaching career and heard you lived in this town so I thought I'd drop by and say hi." I lied.

I gave him the sweetest look I could muster and hoped he wouldn't see right through me like he usually did. He didn't seem to argue and Dana was pleased with my response.

"I see." Noel said, staring into the fireplace.

The light played with the bright blue of his eyes and I found myself mesmerized by them, just like I had always been.

My heart ached; I had missed him so much. I had envisioned that our meeting would start with me knocking him back in a tight hug, to have him stroke my hair playfully while I'd cry tears of happiness into his shoulder. I'd have held him for so long and he'd have both strong, protective arms around me and everything would be like before. He'd tell me he missed me, brush away my tears and rest his forehead against mine where we would share the same air.

It hurt so much that I couldn't do any of that now. It hurt knowing that things hadn't gone as planned. I was grateful that he was still alive and happy but…

It still hurt, how easily he could live without me while I had suffered so much without him…

Serah, you've been a fool all this time.

I suddenly wanted my sister. I wanted someone to cry to, someone who would console me while my heart broke. Instead, I sat in silence and tried to compose myself, despite the pain.

Dana suddenly stood up and it brought me back to reality, "Well, I wish I could stay longer and get to know you, Serah, but I've got to get to work and I'm sure you two have a lot to catch up on."

She smiled at me but then turned to face Noel and bent down to plant a quick kiss on his mouth. I forced myself to look away until she was done. She shook my hand then and said, "It's been nice meeting you."

She then exited the room while Noel and I sat in silence, listening to her getting ready. Neither of us looked at one another until we heard the door close.

Noel stood up and said, "Can I get you anything to drink? Something to eat? You must be hungry and tired from traveling all the way here."

I looked up at him from my spot and nodded, "That would be nice. I'll take anything you've got as long as it's hot."

He smiled then, "Great. I'll go get it ready for you then."

And then he walked away, giving me his back. I stood up suddenly and said, "I can help!"

He turned to look at me with a raised eyebrow and said, "But you're my guest."

I clasped my hands behind my back and blurted it out, "Am I also a stranger?"

I regretted it almost as soon as I said it and my eyes started to burn. I forced myself to look away from Noel's hurt expression and took in a deep breath to help numb the pain.

"Serah, I…I didn't mean…It's just been so long…"He replied, running a hand through his soft, light brown hair.

It fell back perfectly in place as if he hadn't even messed it up at all. He sighed and finally looked at me, as if seeing me for the first time.

"I still can't even believe you're here. I can't believe you came all this way…I can't even imagine what Snow and Lightning will do to me for this!" He sighed again and massaged his temple with his fingers.

"I-I told you. I'm here for a job, they're perfectly okay with it!" I lie again.

His eyes bore into me and I know that he sees right through me.

"Serah, you hate the cold. Why would you ever want to work in a place like this?" He asks me.

I stare at my feet and try to come up with another lie but I'm terrible at it so I go for the truth instead. I have nothing left to lose anymore anyways.

"Because you're here…" My voice comes out as a whisper, but he's heard me.

His footsteps draw closer to me now and his hand cups my chin, forcing me to look up into his eyes. He searches me and I let him. I just miss how we touch. I miss his hands. So sure, always keeping me stable whenever I think I'm going to fall.

"This is no place for you, Serah. You have Snow, now. And Lightning, too. And all your other friends who love and care about you. It's okay to live your life. I want you to. I want you to be happy." He is so sincere, so honest with me, I can't help but let a tear slip past.

He wipes it away with the pad of his thumb, almost as if he had expected it all this time.

"But…I _miss_ you…" My voice sounds weak and needy and it betrays me entirely.

I hate myself for it, I hate being so weak in front of him while he's so sure and happy. So happy, without me. It stings so much, worse than a direct slap to the face.

He hugs me then. His strong arms wrap around me and he steps closer so that my face is snuggled against his chest. His hands soothe as they caress my back, his scent is all around me and I find so much comfort in it. My heart pangs against my chest and my hands clutch at the thin material of his shirt. I fight off the sobs that want to wrack my body and try to stop acting like such a child.

But he's hugging me and it makes me so happy, even if it didn't happen the way I'd planned.

"I've missed you too. Gods, how I've missed you…" He whispers into my ear, his breath hot and tickling my skin.

I snuggle into him even more at this, in an effort to muffle my sobs. I was smiling despite the tears. Because it made me so happy to hear it. To know he'd been thinking of me, too. It just made me so happy.

When the tears finally came to a stop and we, reluctantly, let go of each other, he stared into my face and smiled. He continued to wipe away all the tears that stained my cheeks so gently. He then leaned forward and placed a tender and long kiss on my forehead.

It made me feel dizzy but I didn't say or do anything else.

"So," He starts after he lets go of me.

He smiles the same smile I was so used to seeing and asks, "Am I going to have to make a few phone calls or am I going to get my ass beat regardless?"

I giggle despite myself and shake my head. I sniffle a bit and I'm sure my eyes are still red and puffy but he doesn't seem to mind.

"Snow and Lightning know where I am."

I pause as I think of them. Lightning, my sweet sister. She knew where I was headed. She knew when I told her I'd be gone for a few days. She knew when I'd packed my things with tears still fresh. She hadn't said anything else but, "Say hi to him for me. And take care of yourself."

I was expecting a fight or an interrogation. But Lightning knew me like the back of her hand. And she hadn't objected. She had smiled, hugged me and seen me off.

Then there was Snow…

"And they're both okay with you coming all the way here and freezing your butt off just so you can have a possible chance of running into me?" Noel asked disbelievingly.

I nod, "Yeah. Lightning saw me off. She says hi, by the way."

Noel grinned, "When you get back, tell her I said hi, too."

His smile faded a bit then and he scratched his chin, "And what about Snow? He's really okay with sending his wife out here all on her lonesome?"

My own smile falters and I stare at the engagement pendant decorating my neck. It shines beautifully and brilliantly in the light of the fire.

"I'm not his wife…" I finally manage to say.

"Oh. You guys still haven't gotten married?" Noel asks.

"…No. And we never will. We called off the engagement." I explain in a voice that doesn't feel like my own.

He replied with silence.

"We're still good friends and we love each other very much…But I…"

_I fell in love with you…_

"Don't worry about it. We don't need to talk about it. You just need to do whatever makes you happiest, Serah. I'll support you all the way, just know that." He reassures me, looking at me with concern.

_Noel…What if what makes me happy is something you can't give me?_

"Yeah. It's good to see you happy, too Noel. Dana seems like a really nice person." I lie again, but this time I hope I'm more convincing.

Noel doesn't smile. He just stands there, looking at me, as if studying me.

"Yeah, Dana's…nice. But it's nothing serious." He explains in a rushed voice.

I giggle and decide to tease him, "You seem smitten! And she's really cute!"

It hurts me more than I let on but he's none the wiser to it.

Noel frowns, "Smitten? We've only been doing the dating thing for two weeks. She comes over a lot because she lives all the way on the other side of town and I…I don't mind the company. It can get lonely up here…"

Do I know a thing or two about loneliness… But the time we spent together, all those years ago, were some of the best ever. That even though my sister and Snow weren't around, I didn't feel lonely when I was with him. And when he left, something stayed missing.

"If I get a job up here, I can keep you company…if you'll have me?" I say shyly.

"Serah, are you really serious about this? There are no beaches here, not many people and endless amounts of ice and snow. Besides, would Lightning even approve?"

I get defensive at the mention of Lightning, "My sister knows I'm a woman grown. She knows I can make my own decisions now. She doesn't baby me anymore."

Noel breaks out into a sweat as he thinks he's offended me, "I-I know that! I just…I'm sorry."

"It's fine. And besides…I'd be with you. I think I'll be okay." I smile up at him as I seriously consider being here forever.

Yeah it was cold.

Yeah it was barely liveable.

And yeah, I might complain of how quick my fingers and toes would go numb.

But I'd get to come home and see him. I'd get to curl up in a blanket next to him. We'd drink hot chocolate and swap stories about our days. And sometimes, we'd just read a book and bask in each others company, completely quiet. We'd be cold together and we'd get warm together.

_We would be together. _

And for that, I'd live in the most uninhabitable land imaginable and it wouldn't matter.

Noel smiles, "Serah, you've never needed me. You've never needed anyone. I won't stop you if this is what you want…My home is yours."

I can't stop smiling like a fool; living in Alaska with Noel. Living with Noel. Being with Noel. Even if we start off as strangers all over again, even if we stay good friends or if we somehow find ourselves as lovers keeping warm against the angry winds…

I'd welcome it all.

Because when his fingers intertwine with mine, I know nothing is missing anymore.

_-Fin_

__**A/N: **_The story was inspired by Lights' song "Siberia" and therefore might come off as a bit AUish. Any type of feedback is welcome. :)  
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